Things haven’t been going well for a while. It was probably five years ago, somewhere after the first child was born, that you and your spouse unintentionally began pursuing different goals. As a result of feeling deprioritized and neglected, one of you became focused on your career. The other folded the responsibility of “primary caregiver” to the baby into the…
Several years ago during a couples’ counseling session, a client asked me how my wife and I went about resolving our conflicts. What were the steps we took to ensure a positive outcome? Honestly, the question shocked me a little. I hadn’t really thought about it before. Our pattern of conflict resolution was,
EPH. 5:25-33: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives…
Two weekends ago my wife came home from running errands and came to a dead stop before walking up to the door. Fall had finally cracked the door of cooler days and smiled a cascade of bright light on our home. “Oh my God,” she said, staring at our entryway. “The doorway looks nasty! How long has it been since…
In December 1975, Paul Simon released a song that he had written after the divorce of his first wife, Peggy Harper. It was simple in composition with only a drum riff playing in the background, but strong vocals and a catchy chorus helped it to quickly become a gold record (denoting one million in sales). Sung as the retelling of a…
Last week during the ritual pursuit of “what do you want to do this weekend,” my wife discovered that a new restaurant had opened up and boasted of one of the best desserts in town. “Why don’t we get ourselves a slice of pie after church,” she said. Immediately, my inner five-year-old began bouncing up and down on the edge…
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never…
I’ve been doing this job since 1996 and if there is one thing that I’ve learned about couples it is that the vast majority of them (close to 98% in my estimate) believe that they suck at communicating. And they do. The problem, though, is that despite every conversation teetering towards oblivion… communication is the last thing they need to…
“Happy wife, happy life.” It’s one of those pieces of marital advice that seems to have been around forever. And many people, having allegedly tested it out in the arena of personal experience, swear by it as the simple secret to a happy marriage. But is it really?