Several years ago during a couples’ counseling session, a client asked me how my wife and I went about resolving our conflicts. What were the steps we took to ensure a positive outcome? Honestly, the question shocked me a little. I hadn’t really thought about it before. Our pattern of conflict resolution was,
Two weekends ago my wife came home from running errands and came to a dead stop before walking up to the door. Fall had finally cracked the door of cooler days and smiled a cascade of bright light on our home. “Oh my God,” she said, staring at our entryway. “The doorway looks nasty! How long has it been since…
In December 1975, Paul Simon released a song that he had written after the divorce of his first wife, Peggy Harper. It was simple in composition with only a drum riff playing in the background, but strong vocals and a catchy chorus helped it to quickly become a gold record (denoting one million in sales). Sung as the retelling of a…
Last week during the ritual pursuit of “what do you want to do this weekend,” my wife discovered that a new restaurant had opened up and boasted of one of the best desserts in town. “Why don’t we get ourselves a slice of pie after church,” she said. Immediately, my inner five-year-old began bouncing up and down on the edge…
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never…
If you are in any type of relationship and you have found yourself getting into stupid arguments over stupid things, then you have probably sought out advice in some form (books, friends, magazine articles, pastors, counselors, etc) to help you with this issue. The problem with most advice, though, is that it primarily focuses on what NOT to do. Those…
In 1989, I began my sophomore year at Baylor University. My best friend, Kevin, had been hired to be a resident assistant (RA) in the dorms that year and had left our shared state of South Carolina a few weeks prior to attend RA camp and receive his training for the job. I arrived at school a week before classes began so…
I’ve been doing this job since 1996 and if there is one thing that I’ve learned about couples it is that the vast majority of them (close to 98% in my estimate) believe that they suck at communicating. And they do. The problem, though, is that despite every conversation teetering towards oblivion… communication is the last thing they need to…
Communication can be a maze, but it doesn’t have to be, if you know these three basic rules.
Frying pans without heat are just weapons. Here’s some tips to get your marriage cooking again.