What Comes BEFORE Good Communication

Q: Aside from waiting an average of six years before seeking professional help, what’s the number one mistake most people make when going to marriage therapy? A: Telling themselves, and the counselor, that all their relationship needs is “better communication.” Now, don’t get me wrong. This isn’t a bad answer. Research has shown that couples who do not communicate well,…

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13 Ways to Stay Together During Life’s Worst Hurricanes

It’s 2 a.m. and you can still hear the rain slapping against the window. The wind howls and the beams creak as they arm wrestle for superiority of this small corner of the world. Maybe you should have gotten out of town. But you never imagined it would be this bad. You walk over to the window and pull the…

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50 Ways to Keep Your Lover

In December 1975, Paul Simon released a song that he had written after the divorce of his first wife, Peggy Harper. It was simple in composition with only a drum riff playing in the background, but strong vocals and a catchy chorus helped it to quickly become a gold record (denoting one million in sales). Sung as the retelling of a…

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How to be an Unforgettable Spouse

Last week during the ritual pursuit of “what do you want to do this weekend,” my wife discovered that a new restaurant had opened up and boasted of one of the best desserts in town. “Why don’t we get ourselves a slice of pie after church,” she said. Immediately, my inner five-year-old began bouncing up and down on the edge…

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Love is…

 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never…

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How to Argue Without Getting Stupid

If you are in any type of relationship and you have found yourself getting into stupid arguments over stupid things, then you have probably sought out advice in some form (books, friends, magazine articles, pastors, counselors, etc) to help you with this issue. The problem with most advice, though, is that it primarily focuses on what NOT to do. Those…

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Loving is Exalting

In 1989, I began my sophomore year at Baylor University. My best friend, Kevin, had been hired to be a resident assistant (RA) in the dorms that year and had left our shared state of South Carolina a few weeks prior to attend RA camp and receive his training for the job. I arrived at school a week before classes began so…

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WARNING: Communication May Not Be Your Problem

I’ve been doing this job since 1996 and if there is one thing that I’ve learned about couples it is that the vast majority of them (close to 98% in my estimate) believe that they suck at communicating. And they do. The problem, though, is that despite every conversation teetering towards oblivion… communication is the last thing they need to…

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